I LOVE TWO GUYS AT THE SAME TIME? - Dear YessicaI am in a quandary and I am hoping you can help. Last month, I wrote to two men that I was very interested in. The good news is that both of them wrote me back and I have been seeing both for the past weeks. Things have been going well, and I give a lot of credit to what I have learned from your book, emails and this site. However, this is not something I have ever done before and I am having a hard time with the idea of juggling. The problem is that I really like both of them and they both seem to be really amazing guys. I am lucky.
With the other the other guy, he is a sensitive asshole. However, he takes me out all around the city. He often likes to belittle others and he is very rude. He likes to talk about himself way too much, also. He is sweet mostly to me, but the way he treats others is a turn off. Please help me with a solution. Be by yourself and just date. Why do you want to be in a relationship? Why do you feel you have to make a choice? Just date and have fun. And, you wrote that you were interested in dating.
Playing Both Sides: The Realities Of Dating Two Men At The Same Time You' ve spent so much time being a single girl -- only to be dealt two. Figuring out how to choose between two men can be a huge headache. You care for each of them but know you can only move forward with. "It's nice to feel wanted by more than one person, but you can't let it "I'm dating two guys right now, and I'm trying to let things sift out on their.
Therefore, date. As I stated, dating is not being in a relationship with someone. It is having fun with someone else, going out, and getting to know one another. If you choose to have sex, then make sure you protect yourselves, and enjoy it. You are exploring the dating scene, and keeping your options open.
And, guess what? You can date as many people at one time as you choose.
A relationship is when the both of you are interested in being with one another monogamously. You both are seeking to be in a relationship with one another, and you only want to focus on each other. You have decided, after a number of dates, that you want to build a future with that person. You and that person feel that you would be great partners together, and you have strong feelings for one another.
You like being one-on-one with that person and vice-versa. You can see yourself being with this person for the long haul and meeting one another friends, family members, and loved ones. That is a relationship. You are dating two guys. Date them. Enjoy the company, and what each one brings to the table.
However, the first guy is creative in what he can do, and how he can entertain you. So, enjoy it, and him and stop complaining. Therefore, date, have fun, and keep it light and easy. Those are great qualities to have.
This is a somewhat complicated but typical example of how dating works. And neither party is under any obligation until both parties agree to commit to each other.
For example, maybe you want to date multiple guys Dating multiple men can allow you to compare and contrast your experiences with them. For example, you went on two dates last weekend. If you are dating someone and think about the fact that this person might be dating two people at the same time, don't worry or let yourself feel insecure. Say this. Yes you sure can. In fact it is safe to say that the men that you are dating are more than likely dating other women. Not because they are.
Your choice is not binary, nor is it permanent. You do. This conversation is over. You agree to be exclusive with Bachelor 2. What does that say about you, men, or dating? The faster they follow up, the more work they choose to take on, the quality of their performance — all will start to differentiate these two men to make your decision a lot easier. I stuck with that and avoided breaking a lot of hearts. Only you can determine whether you can have sex with two guys simultaneously without a commitment to either of them.
I predict that by the time you read this, Maggie, everything will have sorted itself out. So please come back and let us know if I retroactively steered you in the right direction, okay?
Wow, seems like a sweet deal to be Evan! Everywhere you went you just magically kept finding great women who were into you and wanted to date you! You had the leisure of committing to someone before they committed to you because you always just assumed that so many women wanted to be with you that you could always get what you wanted.
This is called confidence, Jenna. I think the criteria for men is more looks, looks, looks — at least in deciding who to ask out and date. Confident and personable comes later when they the men decide whether or not to keep dating with a relationship in mind.
I can actually attest to that. A week ago I had no prospects, I was feeling crappy and insecure. I know my worth and I project confidence always and amazing things happen!
I love all your advice Evan; it truly does work! I whole whole-heartedly agree! Jenna: The OP has a valid problem, and she asks Evan for his advice. He responds to her by providing her with said advice and very good advice, I might add. Also, I believe this situation is more common than you think. You have every right to end it for whatever reason you choose.
My conclusion? If you take things slow and stick around long enough, enough facts will come to light to help you decide which of the two or both are not good boyfriend material.
Time reveals all.
When I got back into dating, I dated two women for 3 months before deciding on one. But to be honest with myself, I could have quickly and decisively made the same choice at any point after the 6 week mark.
Was I absolutely sure of my decision beyond a shadow of a doubt? Was I sure enough? Example: A month after I started dating my wife, I let her know that I had front-row seats to a U2 concert that was coming up. She was surprised that I could get good seats at an affordable price on short notice. Of course, you can choose to bail if you want to. Buying tickets for two! There was another thing I wanted to add to this.
When you are dating two guys at once, you have to understand, it's all about dating! Dating can be so much fun, especially if you just keep it. Yes, you're dating two men, but that doesn't mean that these are the only two men on the Only you can determine whether you can have sex with two guys. I started dating two guys. One is a total sweetheart, while the other is a sensitive asshole. Now, I know you might feel this should be an easy.
I personally am not a big believer in instant chemistry i. Are they going to be able to sustain this crazy-for-me feeling for the rest of their lives?
Interesting that you mention concert tickets. This summer I happened to buy tickets to see a band both my bf and I liked, three weeks before he broke up. What can I say? This is in addition to whether you have chrmistry, love each other etc. Sometimes you do know in a short period of time because the relationship has been tested. My husband and I have only been together We know how the other will respond with trust, loyalty, and generosity.
So yes we are one of those couples who just knew early on but it was based on a solid foundation beyond chemistry though there was plenty of that. I keep at it though.
I was in the situation of dating two women at the same time about a year ago. They both had some awesome qualities and all my friends said I was not doing anything wrong but still, 3 weeks into this I felt uncomfortable. That is just me. So I called the one I saw the best chance of a future with and laid it out. I told her I wanted to be exclusive with her because I was not comfortable continuing to date two women. She was not ready for that yet, so I went on to date the other woman.
It is up to the individuals own comfort level.
There is no magic time. JB6 I totally sympathize with you. I have not been able to muster more than a one or two date interest in any woman at all, and the rare few who feel like good matches one in the last year have not wanted to play. I am not disregarding because of this or that dealbreaker. Many are fabulous and nice women that I would remain friends with if I had the time to keep up with all of them, they just leave me flat.
I talked this over with a friend of mine who I did love and date. It is a matter of not feeling alone or lonely when I am with them. A LOT of women have been fun in the moment or on an outing or date, but in the end it has been very rare that I feel understood and not alone when I am with them. So I take breaks from dating, poke my head back out for a half dozen or dozen women, become tired of meeting new folks again and stop for a while.
When Is The Right Time To Choose Between Two Amazing Men?
The search continues! Such an American problem. In the UK you date one person at a time. Get caought with 2 at any stage and its trouble.
What to do when you are dating two guys
I was recently in this situation and they both disappeared on me, sometimes they make the decision for you. Sometimes, they will make the decision for you…but from my experience, the guys that held out for a little while were worth it.
The impatient ones were just looking to score and bolted when it was taking too long. Time does reveal all. I have no obligation to any of them. My obligation is to myself to find the right person for me. Let them pressure away.
Tell them you move at your own pace and leave it at that. There will come a point that it will appear you are just stringing them along, though…and men HATE that. Like a previous commenter said, I would say months in is the cutoff point. By then, you should know who you like. Honestly, it took me about weeks to figure out if I really liked a guy. I am not a man but know them well enough to know a lot of them do not like playing games — those who are not players or PUAs anyway.
Usually they know straight away if they want to date a woman, and make up their minds pretty quickly about whether or not to continue dating.
Yes, the situation did resolve itself in the end. I decided to pursue something more serious with Bachelor 2 and we dated for a few months before I came to the realization that we were far too different in terms of the kind of life we want to live, and even more challenging, he is a non-communicator.
For these and other reasons, I ended it. I then contacted Bachelor 1 to see if we might meet up again and he was open to it.What To Do If You Like 2 GUYS AT THE SAME TIME!
Evan, I agree with your advice on all counts. For me, I think the lesson is to try to avoid such situations in the future if possible.