Things You Need to Know After a Breakup with someone with BPDEmptiness, shame, guilt, low self-worth, hopelessness - you might be experiencing some of these emotions at this very moment. Maybe you are perplexed as to what just happened to you. You might be in one or more of the following situations:. Before you can begin to regain your sanity, you must understand the dynamics of your relationship, including who you were dating, why were you dating them, and why it was destined to fail from the very beginning. Why does this breakup hurt more than any other breakup?
Basically, you're pouring salt on open wounds that are still trying to heal. It keeps you from staying with Your feelings, respecting them, and getting to the other side of that struggle. Basically, your poor brain gets trapped in playing both sides of that net, which doesn't work in tennis-- or in love.
You learned this ridiculous habit in childhood or later--but it surely doesn't serve you here! Borderlines have an uncanny ability to get you to open-up, be vulnerable and trust them.
You generally feel pretty safe at the beginning--which may be because they're so frank with you, due to their lack of boundaries! During this relationship, you navigated exquisite ups and devastating downs.
If he or she acted lovingly, you started trusting that you were lovable. When you were diminished, guilted or shamed for behaving imperfectly according to your loveryou felt undesirable, ashamed and worthless. In short, you've allowed this guy or gal to micro-manage your pleasure and pain--but giving that kind of power to somebody else is not only foolish, it's dangerous. Recovery isn't only about learning how to stop those endless negative tapes in your head, which have fashioned you into a compulsive perfectionist.
Think about it this way; when you're impoverished, you might drive an old jalopy and feel grateful it runs and gets you wherever you're going. Incidentally, these negative, self-flagellating tapes running in your head are the loudest and most destructive, in your 'quiet times. Busy-bodies are typically unable to distinguish between feelings and thoughts. I'm all over the place here, I know, but back to my point. As you uncover more of yourself and shed the pain that you are feeling-- you're going to want more.
Humans need to feel this actualization, which often comes in the form of spiritual fulfillment. If we're a part of something bigger, then we have meaning.
If we worship a God, then we have meaning.
You might be licking fresh wounds in the aftermath of your BPD break-up, or you may The following material was written for individuals trying to recover from a.
We are no longer the center of the universe. Those that suffer from narcissism think that they are the center of the universe, so they are not part of a bigger universe.
Borderlines are usually quite narcissistic because they have to be the center of the universe in their minds. They cannot get away from their pain, their insecurities, their fears, so they have to be the center of the universe.
Those of us that were in relationships with Borderlines ended up putting the borderline in the center of our universe. Often, we had our family or our job or our friends or activities in the center of our universe. Clearly, all these things change, so our lives are not stabile. However, I respect all religion, be it Buddhism, Christianity or any other religion, as long as the religion does not require violence and is based on love and spiritual fulfillment.
There are many books that provide basic information on religion, but organized religion provides a solid foundation for healing. Good churches will actually help you get meaning, then will help you shed your pain, grow through your shortcomings and pains so you can see the world and live a more fulfilled life.
Through a good church, you could: - Attend support group meetings - Volunteer for helping the homeless and the needy - Join a community of supportive, positive people.
The list continues, but you see where I'm going here. The right church for you, be it a Christian church, a Buddhist Temple, a Mosque or a Synagogue, will give you a good foundation. Spiritual fulfillment grounds you, takes yourself or your family or other distractions out of the center of our universe, and keeps us well-rounded and grounded. It's been a while since I've blogged -- life has gotten quite hectic. Work has been quite busy, and I've had a lot going on in my personal life.
Borderline Personality Disorder: Recovering Your Life After Dating Someone with BPD (BPD, Relationship Recovery, Depression, Codependency) - Kindle. It is ironic that 'chaos' theory can be linked to life after a 'Borderline' . I probably have been dating BPDs all my life as I find a pattern of lies. Loving someone who is severely borderline or narcissistic can set the Ultimately, it's realizations like this which make the recovery process.
I also had some issues with Blogger -- namely, your comments haven't been coming through I always make approving your comments a top priority as I want to enable your conversations to continue without me -- I don't need to be involved. My relationship with Jennie continues to flourish and grow; we haven't made plans for a wedding, but any day now, we'll tie the knot.
My kids are good -- my oldest is now 16 and he acts like a full blown year-old, someone who can't stand the sight of his Dad on some moments and wants to fight everything I'm about one minute, then my best friend the next minute. I cherish those best friend moments. My middle is his normal, consistent self, and my youngest is still Daddy's little girl. She plays the part -- and works her Dad -- real well, now that she's 11 and nearly I never thought that recovering from a crappy two year relationship would take so long, but clearly, the relationship was dysfunctional and it struck me hard.
It made me question the way I thought, how I thought, and who I was. It questioned my very foundation.
In the end, I learned that I was a solid person, but it took me some time to recover fully. The more I walk on this earth, the more I realize how most people carry scars that immobilize them. They can't live full lives because of something that has happened to them. We all have scars. We need to be able to look at the scars, remember the trauma, but move forward. If you heal correctly, you can become a better person than you ever were.
You can grow to become the person that you've always dreamed of being. That person with solid self esteem and a sound foundation. I'm back from my summer vacation -- as I continue to recover, my topics will get less, so please, if you'd like to be a guest blogger, let me know.
Drop a line to mybpdrecovery gmail. I'd love to get some guest bloggers.
Recovering from dating a borderline
That's right, it's been five years since I have been in that relationship. Ironically, I got a phone call from the police recently where she had contacted them accusing me of breaking into her computer, cyberstalking her and posting things using her Facebook account. She also accused me of breaking into her vehicle and marking up her seats. This had evidently not been the first time that she had contacted the police as they said that the year before, she accused me of slashing her tires.
It's been a number of years since I contributed to this post as my life has moved on, and for the most part, I have recovered from the relationship. It took time, it was very painful, it required counseling, but it can be done. For those of you that are just getting out, I have felt your pain, and it hurts, no matter what you do. The good part of it is that you can get through it, and the pain will get easier, and will eventually go away.
Enjoy the journey, and keep laughing. I need to be sure to put this into the list of steps in recovering from the BPD -- or any -- relationship. You need to exercise when recovering from a relationship. Exercise is an important element -- something that you need to do for yourself -- and will make you feel better about yourself, about your situation, about life. You just can't beat exercise: It's time where you get to focus on yourself It's time where you are working on your health and well being It's time where you get to concentrate and think about your world There are many different types of exercise, from running to swimming to bicycling and weight lifting.
There's one that fits your lifestyle and needs. Just start slow, and enjoy the time that you get doing it. I was thinking about the relationship that I was in with the BPD, and the more I think back about things, the more that I realize that she probably cheated on my, and I never knew it. I was ignorant, but when I think about it, the borderline got a sexually transmitted disease when we were together.
BPDs and Sexually Transmitted Diseases We had just moved in together, so I was a little in shell shock, a little still wearing rosy colored glasses, and in the midst of a 3 year divorce process, when the BPD contracts genital herpes. I was having major self esteem issues.
Probably primarily because of the divorce that I was going through. Most likely I was subconsciously feeling like no one wanted to be with me, and this was how it was manifested. I let someone walk all over me. It's strange, but you still sometimes dream about the BPD.
Real strange. It was definitely strange. I'd rather have the temporary issues so I can feel better than ever. I've thought long and hard about this, and I've gotten many, many comments from BPDs over the years. I think I've published only one of their comments to date. Make sense? You've gotten out or you are planning to get out of a relationship with someone who is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, or you have gotten out of a relationship in general.
You're healing, but you still hurt, Man, sometimes, the pain is pretty great. Still, you need something else. There's something missing.
BPD Relationship Recovery - Me Project
Spiritual Fulfillment Helps Make You Whole Most healthy humans walk around this earth looking for some type of purpose and reason. Once our basic needs are met, we need to fulfill our more advanced needs -- Abraham Maslowin his Heirarchy of Needsrefers to it as Self Actualization.
Why does this work? Spirituality helps us stabilize ourselves. The Basics of Religion and Sprituality There are many books that provide basic information on religion, but organized religion provides a solid foundation for healing. Through a good church, you could: - Attend support group meetings - Volunteer for helping the homeless and the needy - Join a community of supportive, positive people The list continues, but you see where I'm going here.
It allows the borderline an outlet for much of their obsessive behavior and attitudes, to the point of unhealthy.
There are stories I haven't confirmed that BPDs will often join cults and other groups like this. Recommended Readings:. So, it's now past 3 years since I last spoke with my ex BPD girlfriend. Three long years. I read back to my first post, Healand how I felt back then.
I think about my life now, where I am, and how far I've come.
Two-Sides of the Same Mirror: Reflections on Healing a Relationship with a partner suffering from Borderline or Narcissistic Personality. Things You Need to Know After a Breakup with someone with BPD overcome blame and hate, and positively date again with love and joy. First and foremost, when it comes to recovering from abuse in your BPD When you're dating a crazy girl (or a man because there are definitely plenty of those.
It's been a long road, there were tough times along the way, but life is good. Life is real good. Personal Life Update So, life has changed quite a bit recently. My love of music has continued to blossom and grow as my career thrives in a Consumer Electronics company. In addition, I'm playing guitar regularly with a group of folks that live near me.
We played our first gig this past week and made a few hundred dollars -- not bad for a day's work when you're doing what you love to do. BPD Relationship Recovery Takes a Long Time I never thought that recovering from a crappy two year relationship would take so long, but clearly, the relationship was dysfunctional and it struck me hard. What's Next?How to heal after a Breakup with someone suffering with BPD
Keep the comments coming -- I'll do my best to publish them as quickly as possible. Look for the remaining 10 steps in the BPD Recovery process, look for more stories from each of you, and more details on the healing process.
Vanshita Kaushik, A Recovering BPD patient and Stay at home mom. Nevertheless you must set a closing date or risk analysis paralysis!. Recently been broken up with or broke up with someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder? If so, this video will help you to. BPD Relationship Recovery Blog, therapy and treatment of Borderline At the end of the relationship, the borderline that I was dating was.
There are times that she haunts me in strange ways -- her sister was in a dream that I had over the weekend -- but no longer does her memory haunt me. I think that I've adopted pretty normal ways of living again and I'm in a high trust relationship -- the type of relationship that I demand so I can live a fulfilled life.
It's within your reach. Now go get it. I've had a whirlwind summer, going all over the place, including the beach of North Carolina and many other exciting places.